“Are My Asian Parents Narcissists… Or Is It Just Cultural?”
“Are My Asian Parents Narcissists… Or Is It Just Cultural?”
Written by: Janine ChengPublished on June 15, 2025
Understanding the Overlap Between Narcissism and Cultural Norms
As a therapist who works extensively with members of the Asian diaspora, I hear this question often, “Do you think my mom or dad is a narcissist?”. In fact, it’s not uncommon for clients to come to therapy with the deeply-rooted belief that one or both of their Asian parents is/are a narcissist. So let’s unpack this question and explore how culture plays a role.
Why does this question come up?
Relational conflict is one of the leading reasons cited for beginning therapy. Given the role our family plays in shaping our identity, it’s no surprise that complex family systems and parental relationships are recurring focal points in therapy. As such, you may show up to therapy seeking to understand a parent whose behavior sounds and feels a lot like narcissistic behavior. They may demand loyalty, dismiss emotional needs, insist on being right, or react strongly to perceived disrespect.
Particularly within immigrant families, children may begin to question this pattern of parental behavior as they become increasingly exposed to parenting standards in their new communities. You may scroll social media and receive generalized messaging about narcissism or note commentary from friends or colleagues that cause you to question the nature of your immigrant parents’ behavior, behavior that was previously unquestioned as it was the cultural norm in your country of origin.
Let’s explore the question that emerges here: What is the difference between a narcissistic parent and a parent whose methods are steeped in a culture that values collectivism, respect, loyalty?
Narcissism vs. Cultural Values
The term "narcissism" carries heavy clinical and social weight. When we describe someone as narcissistic, we may mean they exhibit grandiosity, an inflated sense of self, a lack of empathy, entitlement, or a need for admiration—traits central to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). But these traits don’t always show up for the same reasons or mean the same thing across cultures.
In many Asian cultures, behaviors that emphasize saving face, maintaining familial reputation, prioritizing group harmony, or deferring to elders are deeply rooted in collectivist values. These behaviors can easily be misinterpreted by those unfamiliar with the cultural context and they can also look and feel a lot like narcissistic traits.
Here’s how some of the parenting traits may be experienced by you and how we might begin to consider their cultural context:
1. “They only care about appearances.”
In collectivist cultures, saving face isn’t just about vanity—it’s about maintaining respect, honor, and stability in a social group. You may feel high levels of pressure from your parents to conform to a set of standards that may or may not align with your own values and interests. This may lead you to feel misunderstood and unseen by parents who seem overly focused on public perception of you rather than on connecting authentically with you. When considering the cultural context of this type of parent-child interaction, we may consider that this parental pressure is connected to a cultural code of behavior, not necessarily to a desire to feed the ego-which differentiates it from a narcissistic trait.
2. “They never apologize or admit they’re wrong.”
In many Asian families, hierarchical relationships are strictly maintained. You may receive strong messaging about how to behave towards specific family members based on their age or their role within the family system. You may be expected to show up respectfully, to accept their opinions and not question them, even when their behavior is hurtful. To apologize, especially across generational lines, may be seen as losing authority or inviting disrespect. In these scenarios, it may be less about pride and more about preserving family structure.
3. “They dismiss my emotions.”
Emotional stoicism is often a survival strategy, especially for immigrant parents who endured hardship, war, or extreme poverty. Minimizing feelings doesn’t always come from a desire to invalidate your experience or from self-centeredness—it may reflect a generational belief that emotions are dangerous, indulgent, or threatening to survival.
4. “They make everything about them.”
When a parent centers themselves in a conversation (“Do you know how much I sacrificed for you?”), it can feel manipulative and like a form of erasure. And sometimes, it is. You may be made to feel like an extension of your parents, not a whole person. Your parents’ frequent reminders of their sacrifices in your name can be deeply hurtful and they may also be a culturally-informed way of expressing love, or a plea to be acknowledged in a system where parental sacrifice is expected and often invisible.
5. “They only care about my achievements”.
High academic or professional expectations can come across as perfectionism and extreme pressure. You may feel as though your accomplishments matter more to your parents than your happiness. In many Asian families, achievement is often seen as a reflection of family honor and sacrifice—not personal ego.
Decolonizing the Clinical Lens
As therapists, we must continually decolonize our understanding of mental health, diagnosis, and relational norms. This includes asking:
What is the cultural function of this behavior?
What values are being protected or expressed?
Is this actually pathological—or simply unfamiliar?
It also means being curious rather than conclusive. Instead of jumping to narcissism as a diagnosis, we can explore:
How does this person understand their sense of self in relation to others?
What does vulnerability look like in their cultural framework?
How is power, respect, or emotional expression taught in their family?
When adult children don’t feel seen, validated, or emotionally safe with a parent, it’s understandable to wonder: Is my parent incapable of empathy? Are they emotionally manipulative? Is this narcissism?
But before jumping to a clinical label, it’s worth examining how cultural values shape what parenting looks like—and how those values can sometimes be interpreted through a pathologizing lens that may or may not be clinically appropriate.
This doesn’t mean that emotional harm didn’t occur. You can feel neglected, controlled, or unseen—and those experiences are valid—regardless of the parent’s intent. But labeling a parent as “narcissistic” without context can short-circuit the deeper work of understanding the intersection between cultural trauma, emotional wounding, and unmet needs.
In many cases, what we’re witnessing is:
Unprocessed intergenerational trauma
Survival strategies passed off as parenting values
A clash between collectivist and individualist worldviews
When these go unexamined, they do create dysfunction—but they don’t always meet the clinical threshold of narcissism.
How Therapy Can Help
If you're navigating this terrain, therapy can offer space to:
Untangle what happened from why it happened
Validate your emotional reality without inappropriately pathologizing your parent
Explore boundaries that honor both your healing and your cultural identity
Make peace with grief, anger, or longing without needing to assign blame
You’re not wrong to feel hurt. And you don’t need a diagnosis to take your pain seriously. Sometimes, the most healing thing we can do is hold two truths at once:
My parent’s behavior harmed me. And they were shaped by a system that didn’t teach them another way.
Final Thoughts
Culture is not an excuse for harm, but it is a necessary lens for understanding it.
Before we call a parent narcissistic, let’s pause and ask:
What values were they trying to uphold?
What tools were they given?
What did love look like in their world?
If you are dealing with these kinds of complex family dynamics and are interested in therapy, reach out to today to connect with one of our team members who specializes in these very challenges.
Related Blog Posts
As a therapist who works extensively with members of the Asian diaspora, I hear this question often, “Do you think my mom or dad is a narcissist?”. In fact, it’s not uncommon for clients to come to therapy with the deeply-rooted belief that one or both of their Asian parents is/are a narcissist. So let’s unpack this question and explore how culture plays a role.